The Grunt of Grants

Probably not the author photo to use in a grant application.

This week I applied for a Canada Council grant for my novel-in-progress. I was lucky enough to receive a grant for Yiddish for Pirates, my first novel, which really did "buy me time" to work on it. $25,000 was a significant amount of money. I could have got my sheepadoodle bronzed more than once, but instead of doing that, I was able to devote myself to writing, if not full time, then to give the writing some very serious daily time while pursuing other things (such as teaching and a writer-in-residency) and opting to take the dog out for walks instead of bronzing.

Writing the grant made me think more about what it is to do something even though you have doubts, even though you "aren't feeling it." Maybe this is how you felt applying to college. I know I felt that way applying for the programs that I went to. But, like many performances, or writing projects, even though I didn't feel like I had the confidence and assuredness of a king of the world, I did it anyway. A bit of "fake it till you make it," kind of thing. I knew that I could write a solid grant application even if I didn't quite feel it. (And over the years, I've got better at writing them.) A grant application that, though saying things in a way that I wouldn't personally speak (and feeling more "sale-sy" that I'm used to) did, in fact, represent what I thought I was doing in my work. I understood that I was using "grant voice," and that this was appropriate. And, though I didn't know how the project would turn out, of course, I had to speak about it as if it would work out in the end. Because of course it would, even if not exactly what I proposed. I knew that I'd figure it out on the way.

I put my best foot forward and wrote the grant, trying to provide the best answers.

6. Describe your project. Explain the inspiration for your project or why you wish to undertake it at this time. (approximately 750 words) 

Ok, so Question Six is pretty straight forward. What is your project and why do you want to write it?

8. How will this project: (approximately 500 words)

 • contribute to your, or your group’s, artistic development? 

 • advance artistic practice? 

Consider the following questions, as applicable: What types of artistic risks will you be taking?

But Question 8 is more tricky. Ok, how is this going to contribute to my artistic development? I can answer that. Explading what I've done before, letting me try new things. All that. But how will it "advance artistic practice"? Like I'm going to find a cure for COVID-19 or render fossil fuels obsolete. Or I'm James Joyce or Laurie Anderson, Anne Carson or Christian Bök (implanting poems in DNA and sending them to space.)

But they want to hear what I think I'm doing. They don't necessarily think I'm landing a human on the literary moon for the first time, but how I answer is probably as important as how. Like in a job interview, in many cases, they're asking to see how you respond. I figure if I can explain how I'm taking what seems a fresh (i.e. not stale) approach that's good enough. That's I've thought about not just doing the same old thing.

And the "artistic" risk is our risk, not necessarily the risk someone at the edges of radical artistic practice might take. Also, in these kind of arts grants, they're being assessed by other artists, so they do come into the process with an understanding of where we're all coming from. 

So though I don't honestly think I'm changing the world or doing something so bright and fresh and original that I'm rocking the roots of our civilization, I am able to find things about my project that are trying to be fresh, that have my own take or view on things and perhaps that bring together some things that haven't quite been brought together in exactly the same way before, if only because I'm limited to what I can do, and I'm writing from a particular time and place. I don't know that I could take the pressure if I thought I was reimagining civilization. Also, even if I was, it probably would feel that way to me, but rather, pursuing something authentic and interesting and arresting to me.

Will I get the grant? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends who else applies. How much money the Canada Council has allocated at them time. Who is on the jury and what their judgement is--they try to be fair, but of course, they have different tastes, different values, a different sense of what is important and should be funded, even as they do their best to interpret the guidelines of the grant. "Artistic merit" obviously involves some personal judgement, based on experience and knowledge.

I should also say that I am profoundly grateful that we live in a place that has arts grants--national, provincial, municipal. That these important supports (given by taxpayers through government policy and arts organizations) are hugely significant and an important vote of confidence from our society to artists, the arts, and audiences and readers.